Marlene Buckler, MD, FACEP

                                                    PRETEND YOU CAN'T FAIL

    Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small
people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you,
too, can become great.
 
                                    Mark Twain  (1835-1910)

    What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

    I'm sure that some of you are doing exactly what you want to be doing in life.  You aspire to certain goals, fearlessly go after them and succeed in reaching them.  You know that you can be successful at anything you want to do.  You think of failure as a temporary learning opportunity and forge ahead to accomplish your goals.

    But some people worry so much about failure that they never go for what they really want.  Others think of their true ambitions as being unrealistic because they see themselves as not worthy, not smart enough or not in the right social class to achieve their true desires.

    For some time I was in that later group.  Since childhood I had been attracted to medicine.  I had witnessed an autopsy on my uncle's racehorse, with much more fascination and excitement than revulsion, at the age of twelve.  I read books about Semmelweise, Dooley and Schweitzer.  I was intrigued by the anatomy of the human body and by the fact that tiny life forms, too small to be seen with the naked eye, could cause disease in humans and animals.

    I wanted to be a doctor and learn all the things doctors learned.  I wanted to help people and save lives.

    But I never imagined I was allowed to be a doctor.  I was a girl from a working class family.  My father had died when I was ten.  It was 1965 and I was not a top student in my high school graduating class.  Why would I ever think I could be a doctor?

    So I did other things, worthy things.

    But over the years the desire to become a doctor periodically bubbled to the surface.  Repeated attempts to squelch it succeeded for a time but always it came back.  Finally I began to know in my heart that I was allowed to be a doctor, just as everyone is if they so desire.  I realized that it would be a difficult thing to achieve and that it would take much work and tenacity to get even close to such a goal.

    But once I realized it was an option open to me, despite the fear of failure, I knew that if I did not at least give it my best shot, I would never again be able to look myself honestly in the mirror.

    I was afraid of failure but I had always been pretty good at pretending, so I pretended I could do it.  And thus, at the age of thirty-nine, with a husband and four children, previous careers and a bachelor of science under my belt, off I went to medical school.  I had my fortieth birthday one month after I started.  I had the dubious honor of being the oldest person in my class and the only one with four kids.

    I have absolutely no regrets about going for my dream but I would have had regrets if I had not gone for it.  Because every morning when I looked in the mirror I would have known that I had not done what I wanted because of a fear of failure.

    So what is it for you?  What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

    Pretend you can't fail and go for it!

Marlene Buckler, MD, FACEP   www.StayOutOfMyER.com